Chef Porter

About this cravat.  I'm not a tie guy, never been, so the cravat (a triangular cloth with an 18 step folding/ironing process) is a riot.  And we have five of them, one for each night of the week.  I steamed and ironed all five down to the right size, then followed the folding directions a few (10) times until I got it right.  Damn thing.

I got to school, there's uniformed students everywhere on campus, most of them looking like me, not quite sure I brought the right supplies for the first night.  There's a tray of fresh yeast rolls outside the bakery class, apparently free for takers although Chef Porter (more on her soon) says they suck.  "Pale, never crusty.  Student rolls."

I meet a few peers - Liz, Mike, Melissa - and instantly forget what they look like; I'm too busy checking out their cravats.  Or lack thereof; only Liz has one on, which makes sense because I heard her say on Saturday that she's Air Force so she's got the whole uniform thing wired.  But no one else has one.  So far so good, feeling superior about the cravat.

Our classroom is small and unassuming, more ACC than CIA.  It fills up and we kill about 20 minutes before chef shows up...everyone has cravat paranoia.  The whole room is either trying to fold a cravat, getting pissed about their cravat, or feeling superior and reading Twitter.  (Okay that was just me.)  Air Force Liz was offered 5$ a week to do a guy's cravat.

Then a chef rolls a cart messy with papers, introduces herself as Chef Porter, and calls us out for the collective cravat paranoia.  The first 30 minutes of class is cravat 101.  She gives us a tutorial, and nobody gets it, so she explains further, and then everybody's even more confused, and on and on. 

So Chef Porter's a complete riot.  Super smart, passionate about our profession, and obviously a complete nut.  Some Chef quotes:

-I dedicated a leg to sour cream at age 20.  The rest of the body to butter, cream, and pork fat.

-Sanitation class will consist of -- did I take my meds?  I didn't.

-[concerning initials] I'm the only E.L.P.  Emerson, Lake and Palmer were AFTER me.

-[about book author] This guy Wayne, also went to CIA...apparently didn't smoke a joint after every break...like I did...because he wrote a book.

-This career tears you up.  I'm a wreck.  Could I get a skeletal and muscular implant?

-How many ways are there to fold a piece of paper, or open a car door?  Well, I guess there's only one way to open a car door.

Most of class tonight was dedicated to the origins of modern cuisine, from "table d'hote", la Varenne, Boulanger, Careme and haute cuisine, Escoffier, and more Escoffier, and more Escoffier.  He's hot shit, that one.

Tired as hell but stoked!  Chef Porter mentioned knowing someone at Olivia, I'm going to talk to her about maybe staging there.